in there

As soon as I opened my eyes this morning I felt awful.  Not physically.  But something was bothering me.  I started tracing it back to the source right away and found it in something that happened yesterday.  I attended an event for work about an hour away and as I walked to my car someone was waiting for me in the parking garage.  I met him at the event earlier and there he was.  He seemed harmless and talked to me as I went on to my car.  I kept trying to leave but he just kept talking.  He wasn’t rude.  But it was intrusive as I think about it now.  Normally, I feel independent.  I’m not easily scared. (except in thunderstorms).  I can install ceiling fans, remodel bathrooms, change a tire and navigate international travel.  This was a simple social situation and I felt cornered.  Naive.  I felt ridiculous… I felt like a child, not in good way.  I try really hard not to hurt people’s feelings, yesterday there was point where being direct was more important than being polite.  I don’t like being made to choose.  I don’t like feeling that kind of vulnerable.  When I got out of bed, I stood and looked in the mirror.  For a long time.  I think I do that sometimes just to make sure I’m still there.  


2 thoughts on “in there

  1. Wonderful writing Ellen, and so heart felt.
    You say what all of us feel, but tend not to think about. That alone makes you braver than most. Combined with your artful photography, this is a delight to explore, think,evaluate.

    Very nice work. You continue to be very influencial in my own work.

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