grey st

“… I dream myself a million times around the world… “

more lyrics.  They’re just lyrics.  And I’m sure Dave Matthews didn’t have me in mind when he wrote them.  But they seemed to fit.  In two weeks, I’ll be making a move.  And it feels like I asked,  Mother-May-I please take two giant leaps forward, and she said, No, but you may take four thousand baby steps backward.  The use of a childhood game in my metaphor was no accident, by the way.  I am moving back to my hometown.  Where I grew up.  Or didn’t.  The point is, I tried to avoid it and I heard myself saying out loud several times over the past few years, I did the best I could.  But did I?  Have I ever?  People have told me it’s a step forward.  It’s change and change is good.  It’s just a transitional time.  And I do try to see it that way.  But in the middle of the night… when it’s me, alone with every memory of every bad choice I have ever made… about to pack up my life and leave it packed… it doesn’t feel … good.  So, I close my eyes, and I dream myself a million times around the world.  again.

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2 thoughts on “grey st

  1. Ahhh, Ellen, open your eyes and BE the dream. Don’t confine yourself to old thoughts, throw them out and fill yourself with being in the present, planning for the future you can have. Tint this picture with the soft colors of a new morning.- susan

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