grey st

“… I dream myself a million times around the world… “

more lyrics.  They’re just lyrics.  And I’m sure Dave Matthews didn’t have me in mind when he wrote them.  But they seemed to fit.  In two weeks, I’ll be making a move.  And it feels like I asked,  Mother-May-I please take two giant leaps forward, and she said, No, but you may take four thousand baby steps backward.  The use of a childhood game in my metaphor was no accident, by the way.  I am moving back to my hometown.  Where I grew up.  Or didn’t.  The point is, I tried to avoid it and I heard myself saying out loud several times over the past few years, I did the best I could.  But did I?  Have I ever?  People have told me it’s a step forward.  It’s change and change is good.  It’s just a transitional time.  And I do try to see it that way.  But in the middle of the night… when it’s me, alone with every memory of every bad choice I have ever made… about to pack up my life and leave it packed… it doesn’t feel … good.  So, I close my eyes, and I dream myself a million times around the world.  again.