One fear less.

bench sitting

I had a dream this morning that woke me up.  It was early, still dark, and raining, so I stayed there trying to recall as many details as possible.  It was a painful dream because it so closely mirrored something going on in my life right now, but the longer I laid there, the more the pain simply turned into reality.  Nothing more. And that’s when it hit me… One of my biggest fears, had happened.  The reality is still difficult but the fear is gone.  I don’t know how long I lived with this fear, but I know it was beginning to change me from who I am to who I am while trying to keep something from happening.  And then it happened anyway, maybe even because I was so afraid, and it hurt more than I could imagine anything hurting.  Until this morning, when it occurred to me, that I never had to be afraid of it again.  It didn’t have to keep me awake.  It didn’t have to alter my behavior.  I didn’t have to work around it.  Because this fear, this very specific fear, had been realized.  And I was free of it.  And if there is no relief from anything else right now, there is comfort in at least that knowledge.

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