I knew this little girl a long time ago. I was her. Before anyone told her who she couldn’t be. Shouldn’t be. Before the doubt. Before the self-preservation tactics kicked in. The only “walls” that existed were made of plaster and and kept her safe. I suppose it doesn’t matter how I lost touch with her. Not really. Only that I have re-discovered this little girl’s essence is still in tact. Simplicity is sometimes as simple as we allow it to be. Life has had its challenges. Its blessings. And my heart can be as it was when I was three. More trusting. And fuller still.
Today is just a date on the calendar. Just a date. And when I look at what that date was supposed to signify, it makes me sad at first. And then I look some more. I look back over the past few months. And the past few years. And I realize that part of me has been sad. For a long time, about what I am not. What isn’t. Today… tonight, to be precise, I decided to order a small pizza. pepperoni, olives, onions on half. I poured irish whiskey over ice, added ginger ale and turbinado sugar. I raised the glass and made one more decision. To be happier with what is and who I am, than sad about what isn’t or what I’m not. Or make it so. And every day that I can live this, will be its own celebration.
I had always heard orchids took a lot of care, starting with being in the right climate. I love how delicate they are, but stay away from them as I can’t keep a cactus alive. Maybe it’s time. To take what I’ve learned. And try again. Maybe it’s time to believe I can do it. Because maybe, just maybe, it’s not that complicated.
“It is not titles that honour men, but men that honour titles.” ~ Machiavelli
I thought of this quote as I was performing the most benal task this morning. I don’t really have a title. But I have a place. I have roles. And I was wondering what kind of honor I have brought to them. As small as they have been. Not a lot. Not very often. And it hasn’t been the mistakes that I have made that brought dishonor, but my heart. I’m glad I have time. I have today.