I really don’t know if I can sail through the changing ocean tides. I think I can handle the seasons of my life. And I know the child within my heart can rise above. Time does make me bolder. And I am getting older. One song and it poses so many questions. And the truth is, the older I do get, the less I do know. The less I want to know. The more I am carried along by seasons and tides and time. And that child within my heart kicks and screams but is my hope My very hope. To believing. To rising above.
I didn’t expect everything to be swirling around me like this. And it feels like I’m walking on air, but not in the good way. In the, my feet aren’t planted and set in a direction way. And it feels like it’s been this way for so long, I don’t remember what it was like to be anchored. To fold my clothes and put them in a drawer. To pull a book off my bookshelf. To use my own dishes. I don’t have routine or the subtle comfort of it. Short term has evolved into long term. I am looking for the magic in uncertainty. For the beauty in wondering. Maybe it’s in a place called tomorrow. Just on the other side of tonight.
In a dream two nights ago, my dad called me. On the phone. He wanted me to check in on my mom, he was worried about her. But the sound of his voice calmed me even in my sleep. He must’ve known how much I would need him today. In the chaos. Under attack. I miss his hand on my shoulder. I miss knowing there was one person on this earth who was always on my side, even before he heard it. There he was.