Today is just a date on the calendar. Just a date. And when I look at what that date was supposed to signify, it makes me sad at first. And then I look some more. I look back over the past few months. And the past few years. And I realize that part of me has been sad. For a long time, about what I am not. What isn’t. Today… tonight, to be precise, I decided to order a small pizza. pepperoni, olives, onions on half. I poured irish whiskey over ice, added ginger ale and turbinado sugar. I raised the glass and made one more decision. To be happier with what is and who I am, than sad about what isn’t or what I’m not. Or make it so. And every day that I can live this, will be its own celebration.
I don’t think Mr. Milosz would mind that I borrowed his words. They have always touched me in the past. Today, I touched them.
A day so happy.
Fog lifted early, I worked in the garden.
Hummingbirds were stopping over honeysuckle flowers.
There was no thing on earth I wanted to possess.
I knew no one worth my envying him.
Whatever evil I had suffered, I forgot.
To think that once I was the same man did not embarrass me.
In my body I felt no pain.
When straightening up, I saw the blue sea and sails.
~ Czeslaw Milosz
Yesterday, I was in bed staring out the window at the fog. Just staring. And rather than grabbing my camera, I just laid there. By ten o’clock when it finally burned off, I felt a little regret, but not much. This morning, I woke up to more fog. Despite my sluggishness, I got dressed, picked up my camera, one lens and went in search of some beauty. Reluctantly. And then I was there. In it. In its silence. In its grace.