Time to make it so

to see

Today is just a date on the calendar.  Just a date.  And when I look at what that date was supposed to signify, it makes me sad at first.  And then I look some more.  I look back over the past few months.  And the past few years.  And I realize that part of me has been sad.  For a long time, about what I am not.  What isn’t.  Today… tonight, to be precise, I decided to order a small pizza.  pepperoni, olives, onions on half.  I poured irish whiskey over ice, added ginger ale and turbinado sugar.  I raised the glass and made one more decision.  To be happier with what is and who I am,  than sad about what isn’t or what I’m not.  Or make it so.  And every day that I can live this, will be its own celebration.

blue sea and sails

field morning

I don’t think Mr. Milosz would mind that I borrowed his words.  They have always touched me in the past.  Today, I touched them.

GIFT

A day so happy.
Fog lifted early, I worked in the garden.
Hummingbirds were stopping over honeysuckle flowers.
There was no thing on earth I wanted to possess.
I knew no one worth my envying him.
Whatever evil I had suffered, I forgot.
To think that once I was the same man did not embarrass me.
In my body I felt no pain.
When straightening up, I saw the blue sea and sails.

~ Czeslaw Milosz

and then…

Yesterday, I was in bed staring out the window at the fog.  Just staring.  And rather than grabbing my camera, I just laid there.  By ten o’clock when it finally burned off, I felt a little regret, but not much.  This morning, I woke up to more fog.  Despite my sluggishness, I got dressed, picked up my camera, one lens and went in search of some beauty.  Reluctantly.  And then I was there.  In it.  In its silence.  In its grace.

And that’s when I realized the most amazing thing.   Beauty had found me instead.